The Abominable Practice of Christmas Without Santa
Monique | Sunday, December 2, 2012 at 2:23PM 
I always seem to start the month off with such a great enthusiasm for Christmas, I can't wait for the lights, for the copious amounts of hot chocolate {with whipped cream, of course, some of us are adults} and overdosing on Christmas music.
Somewhere within the first week, the arguments start, and I'm done with Christmas forever. Except that I can't be, because I have children and I have promised them magic until their faces fall off from smiling so hard. I pull it together, and make it happen, somehow every year, though my heart has been beaten out of it.
These arguments are unavoidable, just like the rampant "happy holidays" controversy - people fill you with their opinion no matter where you are; standing in line at Target, picking up a pizza, grocery shopping, jump on social media and thou art bombarded and the consensus is usually the same.
And always wrong.
Can a Christmas without Santa still be magical? Will the children celebrating still retain their innocence? Their imaginations? Their childhoods? Will they experience joy?
Yes.
{Christmas Day 2011}
Well... mostly yes.
In this home specifically, Christmas is still a magical, wondrous, exciting and fun holiday despite the fact that we have eliminated Santa from the equation.
How? Why? Some of you might ask, but so infrequently do before berating the choice we made with such ferocity and bile.
I shall enlighten.
Why? For many reasons.
- We would absolutely use Santa as a behavioral tool, and feel that's not the best way to inspire good behavior in our house.
- We've encouraged our children to question everything, they very easily put two and two together and one Santa story will lead to another, and another and how will we keep track when they catch up? We err on the side of honesty, always. Always.
As an aside, we do not feel that you are lying to your children by telling them Santa is real, he has evolved from Saint Nicholas {Sinterklaas, the Dutch name where Santa Claus came from, means "Saint Nicholas", as it were} and is thus rooted in an actual existence. - Santa is not where imaginations are born, a child can believe in all the fairy tales they may want to, but if their imaginations aren't encouraged to flourish, they won't. We still greatly encourage our children's imaginations to grow.
- Not having Santa opened our December to learning about other celebrations that are just as beautiful; Chanukkah, Kwanzaa, and especially Saturnalia and Yule, where Christmas came from.
It is important for our children to understand the history surrounding Christmas; their sister believes in Jesus, so they must understand the legend of his birth so they do not disrespect it with ignorance. Santa would hinder their understanding. - I had Santa as a child, and the lessons I, personally got from it was "I'm getting Christmas presents!" I missed the entire "he brings gifts to children, he gives" lesson entirely. I don't want my children to misconstrue the most valuable lesson of this holiday.
- December was our greatest opportunity to teach our children about differences in belief, in celebration, in traditions and how important it is to respect them. That's why you won't have to worry about our children "ruining" Christmas for anyone else, because along with the fact that their sister believes in Santa and they are not told that Santa "isn't real", they have been taught the value of respect and understanding of everyone's differences. They are shown it, they live and breathe this lesson every day.
Since our home is headed by an Atheist and an Agnostic, what DO we celebrate on Christmas? Why do we even bother?
Giving and family are what we celebrate, what we honor.
We also honor traditions that make our Christmas magical and fun, for instance on Christmas Eve we stay up late, bake cookies, read stories about Saint Nicholas, Santa, Christmas etc, talk and open up our new pajamas after bubble baths.
Christian and I don't put out a single gift under the Christmas tree until the boys are asleep on Christmas Eve, so they can wake to their piles of presents and feel immediate excitement.
The weeks leading up to Christmas are full of surprise too! While the boys always decorate the tree with us, they don't always get to decorate the house. One night, while they sleep, we might hang snowflakes on their ceilings, another night we'll make glitter ornaments and pile them in front of their door so they can put them on the tree, another night we might play soft Christmas music in their rooms and hide little gifts under Santa hats, or add snowmen to their bedroom doors.
Sometimes our surprises are a little less extravagant, we'll make a run to the nearest Goodwill and we'll donate some of the stuff we don't need or want anymore, or we'll all go and pick out a brand new toy to give to Toys for Tots, quietly donate to a family in need. These are the things we don't gloat about, because we don't want our sons to think that they are owed anything because they gave, we want them to do it out of the kindness of their own hearts without demanding praise or reciprocity.
And why not? It started at first with us not wanting our children to be left out, but the truth is there are so many people who celebrate so many different ways there's no way they could be. We enjoyed Christmas as children {were not traumatized by learning about Santa} and want our children to feel the same magic that we did, to understand the meaning of "warm fuzzies", to experience one last gigantic heaping of massive joy before the new year rings and real life starts back up again.
What better way than by celebrating a holiday that is supposed to embody joy and peace?
So, please before you spew vitriol, before you render our children damaged {or, like what happened moments ago; "assholes"}, take a minute, if you have questions, ask them, don't presume.
Many of us would rather answer the same question thousands of times than have you immediately assume the very worst and most ridiculous.
Think about how important it is to embrace differences instead of demolishing them, and consider what you're teaching your own children when you practice the latter. No matter what beliefs you hold, we all understand what "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" means, we've all heard it and had it impact our lives in some form, please remember it.
Please don't call me a Scrooge, or tell me I'm taking my children's childhoods away from them, or ruining their innocence, and more dramatically, their lives. Don't feel sorry for my children, I don't feel an ounce of sorrow for your own just because you don't do Christmas the same way.
And if you still just don't get it, or want to get it; practice the beautiful art of silence.
Because your words can be so much more damaging than you realize.
Reader Comments (14)
There are so many atheists in this world who despise any religious aspect of Christmas. What's funny is, no matter how far back you want to go, it was created out of religion. Then Santa Claus came into the picture with love and generosity in his heart. And we all know how many Christians berate and judge anything Christmas that's not related to Christ. If I feel an argument coming (which is rare, I'm not a religion-shover) I remember: "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Corinthians 13:13. Everyone is capable of love no matter what they believe. And love needs to be shared especially at Christmas.
As always your strength and love inspire me. Well said, Monique! <3
Mommyboots.com shared this on facebook and I am embarrassed to admit that when I first read the title, I thought "oh great, someone is going to berate me for "doing santa" and harming my children in the process". I am so glad I actually read this post and saw that have the same experience, the other way around. I appreciate and agree with everything you have written. We all do holidays (or don't do them) in different ways, and none of us have the right to tell others how to do them. I am a "Santa Christmas" and "Jesus Christmas" lovin' gal but I appreciate and respect all of my friends in however they celebrate (or don't celebrate) the season. Great post!
As per usual, you've eloquently explained your version of Christmas. It was actually you who had me rethinking the whole Santa part of Christmas a couple years ago, after our conversation about how you celebrate. It made perfect sense. Here I was using a make believe person to modify behavior, albeit only for a short time (those few weeks right before Christmas), and not focusing on the most important parts of the holiday. Family, giving, love and peace. Our children were focusing on the material aspects of the holiday instead of the values that should be recognized. Our Christmas is much happier now, without the shadow of 'better be good' hanging over it. Especially since our youngest questions everything and the older children are more forthcoming with information to him than I'd like at times. Thank you for this post and a reminder that, no matter how you celebrate (or don't), it is each family's choice to do so in their own way. I am respectful of everyone else's choice in holidays and how they celebrate and would expect the same of them for me.
Much more eloquent than me! Atheists here too, and we've decided not to do Santa. We both grew up with it but ultimately, it's the honestly part that trips me up as it opposes all of our core values.
I am so over the "reason for the season" bullshit. I don't personally get a lot of it (offline) but it's everywhere. And hello, the holiday is a culmination of several beliefs but the SEASON is rooted in paganism. I love to celebrate winter - Here it's coffee with whip and hot apple cider - and entertain family and give gifts. I'd never thought about it but you're right - I never associated Santa with GIVING either. As a child, it was all about what Santa would bring me. (Although I don't think I wrote letters to Santa, just told my parents a million times what I wanted, so maybe I knew deep down all along. We MAY so a more tongue-in-cheek "Santa" where everyone is in on it and we can all be Santas.)
Great great post, + sharing!
I love this post! THESE are the types of posts that I visit your blog for! You're open, honest, respectful, and you make people think!
I told my girls the truth about Santa long ago, but they still choose to believe. They will nudge us and basically ask us to pretend there is a Santa LOL. So, we do. No harm, no foul. But I like knowing that I haven't lied to them... after how many times we say lying isn't allowed in the house, I'd feel like a douchebag if one of them called me out on it for the whole Santa thing.
Besides, that bastard shouldn't get credit for the money I have to earn to buy their presents!
I thank you for sharing your thoughts. I believe everyone has a right to their own beliefs. Thank you for the post.
I guess i am strange since I didn't come from an overly religious family. My mother still puts 'santa' on gifts (I'm the youngest at 30) but we all knew very young Santa didn't exist. We were taught that he was more an idea and a marketing thing. It was fun but we all knew the end of the day where the gifts came from and where the thank yous went. My husband and I are deists so we haven't really decided how we are going to handle Santa when we have kids.
AS a Christian I celebrate the traditional Bible stories surrounding Christ birth and Christmas. Although we have different views on God - it appears you and I share many of the same thoughts regarding Santa. Our 5 year old is respectful and doesn't talk about it around other kids because we taught him it might hurt their feelings if they believe in Santa - but we've never done the "Santa thing". I get called names and questioned all the time over this - it's ridiculous!! I think you made a lovely post and people should respect each others opinions/views instead of calling names. (((HUGS))) Great job!
Thank you for so wonderfully saying what I myself can not. We don't do Santa either. I've gotten pretty defensive in my stance because people have not been very nice to me about it. I think I'll print this out and hand it to them when I'm being berated.
I want to teach my kids about the kindness, giving and loving each other aspect of the holidays. Not just about the gifts. Gifts are great. But it's what what matters most.
Thanks Monique for this post. While this is not how we celebrate Christmas, I can definitely respect and appreciate how you celebrate with your family. <3
In our home, we have a very deep faith in God, and have an open religious practice. I'm Jewish, but very spiritually open, and my housemate is a Christian Buddhist. We celebrate Hanukkah as well as Christmas, we discuss Yule and Kwanzaa. In all of that, we also do not do Santa. My ex's father once took some bells and put them on the roof when my niece was about 4...then proceeded to call her out and show her the bells as proof that Santa had been there. I lost it. Completely. While I support the way others parent, and have always told Deylan that he may not tell ANYONE what they believe is untrue, I also do not appreciate when other people push that stuff on my kid. Just as he has the right to his beliefs...so do they.
Christmas was always my favorite holiday untill we had to bury my father on christmas eve a few years ago. It never was the same until we had our son. For him we choose to keep the spirit & belief of Santa alive. It brings me comfort to see his joy. I thank you for your honesty. Happy Holidays!
I celebrate the idea of a Santa Claus and the idea of the birth of Jesus on this day, but I also intend on sharing how other holidays around this time are celebrated. As a girl in high school I was always intrigued on the traditions in other countries. I've always taken Christmas as a way for everyone to celebrate their own way - regardless of religion. Thanks for putting a new perspective out there. Anyone who calls you a "Scrooge" should be ashamed.
Your article and your experience show the ever importance of parents -- loving their kids to pieces -- being the ones who make the decisions about how they are raised -- not the government, not religious entities, not the Thought Police on any side of the spectrum. As a family you celebrate a day of love, joy, peace, and warmth, and the memories you create now are the building blocks that your own kids will use, in the future, when they have little ones of their own. Merry Christmas to you and yours.