Things I'm Afraid To Tell You
Monique | Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 12:00PM 
I was encouraged to participate in Things I'm Afraid To Tell you after reading many heartfelt and powerful entries from other bloggers who have participated before me.
While I am pretty open about our existence, between here and my kabillions of social media accounts, there are so many things that I don't get to share, or don't find the appropriate time to throw into a blog entry, or a tweet.
And there are things that I'm afraid to tell you...
- I am extremely patient {not perfectly patient} when it comes to the Minions, not because I find parenting easy - but because every time I want to raise my voice, or lose my mind, or quit parenting, I remember the days I spent and spend without one or all of my children, and I realize I don't deserve them. So I force myself to try harder.
- I envy people who have great, or even good, relationships with their siblings. I recall a brief moment in time where my sister and I had a relationship as mothers and adults and I miss it fiercely, but I will never accept being 'second' to her friends to try to have that kind of relationship again. It makes me bitter, and I think that's why I'm extra judgmental when it comes to her.
- About a month ago I went to a mental health intake appointment, where I was asked questions like; "What do you do all day?" "Do you have any friends?" "What are you afraid of?" and he diagnosed me with Dermotillomania after watching me gnaw at my thumb over the hour, and then examining after I'd asked questions about it. I've been terrified to write about it, despite having a sneaking suspicion that this is what I've been dealing with for so many years. I haven't gone back, or made an appointment with another therapist, because I'm not ready to deal with any of it yet.
- Sometimes I get tired of trying to be positive, I'm tired of disappointment and my ironic life. Like, being accepted as a Type A Con volunteer, only to have my mandatory CPR class date changed to the Saturday I'm supposed to be in North Carolina for - and my schedule only allowing one conference; BlogHer, for which I sold the ticket I bought. Stuff like this always happens to me and it's really, really irritating.
- I wish I had a best friend in addition to my husband, because sometimes I feel like that overwhelms him, and it's kind of sad on my part.
Phew.
I have excellent friends who agreed to post with me today. Thank you so much to all of them and be sure to go check out what they have to say as well. (Please leave us some comment love, here and there, it helps so much to get support on vulnerable posts like these!)
Jill at Terra Savvy | Erica at The Elbow | Jen at Taking Off the Mask | Kate at Modern Home Modern Baby | Laura at My So Called Sensory Life | Caroline at Salsa Pie | Leslie at Life In Every Limb | Tammie at Tam.Me | Melanie at Inward Facing Girl | Amy at Old Sweet Song | Michelle at Early Mama | Jen at Jen Epting | Leslie at Lights and Letters
HISTORY: The very first one by Jess Constable inspired Ez to write her own and invite others to join her on Creature Comforts. Meg at Mimi + Meg started a second round.
Reader Comments (10)
I relate to the best friend thing, and I really appreciate your mentioning the dermotillomania. While I don't think my somewhat extreme nail-biting/finger-chewing is quite at that level, reading the info you linked to and and doing some further research inspired by what a found there leads me to believe that what I've always considered just a nasty habit is more than that. I will be looking into this more! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing this. I too have a best friend that just happens to be my husband. I always feel guilty about this, since it seems like I'm not his only best friend and I put so much emphasis on him being mine. I do have other friends, but those friendships in no way equal what I have with my husband. I'm also with you on the sibling issue. But, since my sister is 16, right now her friends are way more "important" than her sister that helped raise her, and even more important than her niece and nephew that worship her no matter what she does. Very frustrating.
Just know that you are not alone.
Like Leslie, I read your description and then clicked on the Dermotillomania link. I related to your post in many ways - but this is something that stopped me in my tracks. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for posting with me today Monique! So interesting to reading about the Dermotillomania, I have never heard of that before. I'm sure when you are ready to deal with it, you will. I suspect writing it today in this list was a HUGE step. Good for you. I also get tired of being positive, and I find that's when I need to step back from the world and focus on nurturing myself. Isn't it weird how sometimes it seems like everything happens at once? Like the universe is conspiring against us? In those situations, when things don't work out the way I wanted them too, I try to tell myself that there was a reason that I couldn't be at that event, some reason that I don't know about. I like to think the universe is conspiring against me to protect me, if that makes any sense. Anyway - thank you so much, it was really wonderful to have all the comraderie today! And PS. I LOVE your header graphic! So cute/cool and those are my favorite colors lately! CMYK is the best. xoxo
Really brave. And beautifully written. Proud to be in the ranks with you today. xo
thank you for sharing. i am happy to be a part of this with you today. and i totally relate to many of these - especially the last one...
This is brave and beautiful.
You are so brave to write about dermotillomania. Cheers to you for revealing something so personal. Your list is wonderful. Laura, My So Called Sensory Life and Huff Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-rossi-totten/things-im-afraid-to-tell-you_b_1553773.html
I love this post so much!
Monique, thank you for sharing your stories with us! I'm looking forward to getting to know your blog better.