Questions You've Asked Regarding My Pregnancy
Monique | Thursday, September 20, 2012 at 9:06AM 
One of the cool things about "oversharing" on the Internet, is that I've made many extraordinary friends, and many of you send emails on a regular basis - just to check in. I have always appreciated that, I look forward to those emails and they never fail to make me smile.
A lot of you have thanked me for speaking candidly about losing Yorick {and a few have chastised me for being "too open"} but I knew there was no way I couldn't discuss it. As a person who almost immediately turns to the Internet for answers, and similar stories - I knew I wanted ours to be there in case anyone else ever experienced it. I knew I wanted to be honest, so others could relate, and understand that their feelings weren't uncommon.
The same way I do about marriage, parenting and all the "easy" stuff.
Since finding out we were pregnant I've received ten times the normal amount of emails, every single one of them hopeful and kind and filled with faith and prayers for our health and strength and happiness and I, as usual it seems, am at a loss.
When people criticise me for blogging my life's story, YOU are why I tell them I do it. The advice you've given, the comments I read, the friendship you graciously extend through the distance.
YOU are a good enough reason for me to shrug off the naysayers and continue being honest. YOU are my motivation, and YOU are what encourages me. So, thank YOU.
You've also asked a bunch of questions, and since many of them come up a few times, I thought I'd address them all here. :)
Are you finding out the sex?
I think we are! When we tried not to find out with Severus, we ended up giving in, and after losing Yorick with nothing more than my strong inklings and feelings about his sex, we just WANT to know.
Do you want a boy or a girl?
I know this is a very typical answer, but I think in most cases parents do have a preference. Regarding this Scrumpet, I have none. I honestly just want a healthy, full term baby this time around. Christian is still hoping for a girl, but I think he knows better than to get his hopes up.
Do you feel like you're having a boy or a girl yet?
I love that I'm asked this. I have always known what I was having before the Minions were born, the one time I allowed everyone to influence me - my son ended up with a floral pink journal {that he loves, but we usually buy neutral colors}. I feel like I'm having a boy, no matter how hard I try to think it could go the other way and be a girl, I'm sure we are going to add another baby boy to our brood.
If you miscarry again, will you try for another?
No. Regardless of the outcome of this pregnancy, it will be my last.
How did you tell the kids?
When I found out, I was shell-shocked. So, unlike last time, I didn't have the capacity to think up a cute way to announce to anyone. We sat the boys in the living room and told them we were having a baby, they asked questions about Yorick and we answered, they danced - Severus is meh, but he did say "Hi, baby!" to my belly button.
This morning, Caesar asked me what the baby was doing and I pulled out our 3/4D ultrasound book that we've had since pregnancy with HIM and showed him the pictures of our growing little.
Coincidentally, try as I might, I could not locate this book when pregnant with Yorick. I think having it to look at would have destroyed me. I would have looked forward to turning the page to Week 7, but he never made it past 6, and I don't think I would have either.
Do you think you're ready, emotionally, to have another baby?
When I was first asked this, it ticked me off, but upon realizing that my answer was "I guess I have to be, now." I answered honestly - no. Nope. Not even a little bit. I'm not worried about totally losing my cookies, but I have been struggling with some emotions that I've never felt in pregnancy before. It takes a little perspective skewing, lots of patience and an immense amount of kindness to myself to get out of the funk.
I will be okay, I have lots of strength on my side.
How are you feeling?
Like total junk! Exhausted, headaches, insomnia, vomiting, nausea {all day nausea}, and did I mention exhausted? Because whoooooo boy, I am exhausted. But, I'm glad I feel so terrible, because it means the hormones are there and doing their thing, and they can keep on doing it.
Are you still nursing Sev?
Yepper dooodle! And it's already becoming a bit difficult, but I have zero intentions on weaning him, especially not now, so close to his second birthday.
Are you still bedsharing?
Mostly, yes. Though Severus will sleep in his bed for a great portion of the night.... when his mother places him into it, of course.
Considering the bed was a gift from my moms for his first birthday, I'd say it's probably time to get him into it soon.
When are you due?
I have an appointment with Doctor The Bomba scheduled for October 5th {hopefully at least, dealing with insurance issues} so I can get some official numbers, but it looks like I'm due on May 9th according to the 30 or so due date calculators I threw dates into.
Another reason I was hoping to wait, was to get out of the month of May. Mercutio already deals with "middle child syndrome" and having to share a birth month, a birth WEEK, with a new baby is just not even fair to him. Christian and I will absolutely not, ever, do a combined birthday party and we don't celebrate birthdays before they arrive, so we'll just have to work it out somehow so it's fair for both of them.
My biggest concern is that Baby will be delivered one week before he's due, the 2nd, meaning I might still be in the hospital for Mercutio's FIFTH {shoot me} birthday. I won't ask them to deliver me sooner, and I certainly won't hope he makes his grand entrance before then either, so instead I'm going to hope that I've recovered enough to be able to do cake and ice cream with my boy on his day, and that I'll be in some state of ready to party on his weekend - because he is getting a party.
Hi, I think a lot.
Will Samara be up for Baby's birth?
Probably not, since she'll be in school. If, by any chance spring break falls around that time then yes, she will undoubtedly be here. But if not, we'll unfortunately have to share the good news from afar.
There's a huge conflict with Christmas and Birthday this year, due to an event in the J & K household - so spring break, whenever it is, may just be the one time before summer that we get to spend time with her.
This is when having a blended family kind of blows, but we've already explained it to her, and there's not much more that we can do. We, all four, agree that she needs to miss as little school as possible. The boys will most certainly still be attending as well. Edumacations first!
How different is pregnancy after miscarriage?
It is shaping up to be extremely different, and not just with the most obvious stuff either; worries, concerns, paranoia. There are lots of things I obsess about and overthink, there's not a moment when I'm at full peace, but I'm also not stressed out. It's... difficult to explain. If I find the time, I'd like to write about it, because this is already novel enough.
Reader Comments (9)
I appreciate your oversharing.
You can't believe how much my emotions seem to be tied in to my friends'.
Despite your track record though, I am predicting a girl.
PS. I think Yorick was a wonderful name choice.
I love that you over share. It also does help a lot for other people who have been there and to also know that they are not alone. You just keep doing what your doing and I will gladly & anxiously keep following along :)
I, too, love your oversharing!
My boys' birthdays are only 8 days apart and, yes, I do throw double parties while I can get away with it (I'm sure that will stop once Lucas in in school and has his own set of friends). That first year, when Matt turned 4 and I had only been home from the hospital a few days we did still have a party, but it was a small one at our house, with only close friends and family, and it turned out just great. Of course, everyone is willing to offer a little extra help when you've got a newborn!
So I've been following a loooong time, and my heart felt heavy when you lost Yorick, but this time.. Its a girl! PAINT PINK! *or whatever colour her animal is!*
This is a lovely post, and I think your sharing is generous and cathartic. I look forward to being able to be figuratively with you through this pregnancy and support you.
Honesty and openness are so refreshing for everyone! Lovely post.
Hi Monique,
I just discovered your blog and I love your writing. My wife had a miscarriage a while ago and we also thought that the world was falling around us. Luckily, a year later she was pregnant again and now we have a wonderful babygirl. I am looking forward to read more from you.
DaddyOfTwo
Hi Monique,
I just discovered your blog and I love your writing. My wife had a miscarriage a while ago and we also thought that the world was falling around us. Luckily, a year later she was pregnant again and now we have a wonderful baby girl. I hope everything will go as planned this time around and believe me, happiness is always an option.
I am looking forward to read more from you.
DaddyOfTwo
The obvious quote that comes to mind with the name Yorick sounds like it would fall naturally from your heart and mouth. <3
I, too, love your oversharing and pure honesty. It is so important in the world of blogs that offer nothing more than tips, lists and crafts that there is someone, an "everyman" or rather, "everywoman," who wants others to know (sans censorship) that they are not alone, their feelings are not abnormal and that there is love out there for everyone.
Indeed, sometimes the friendship of strangers is the best of all. I find we tend to judge strangers a little less harshly than those we know well.